Ending the Year, On Top?
“To say that this has been a crazy year is a pretty massive understatement, it might just be my favorite one yet.”
I’ve hesitated to begin writing this piece for a few days now, mostly because it feels like interrupting the party to give a sappy, drunk speech about how much I appreciate everyone and how truly grateful I am for it all, which, to be honest, is the truth. But as a rebellious means to avoid convention, I’ll do this post a bit differently than originally planned.
in Getsemani, a neighborhood in Cartagena
LA trip with the homies from work
I’d be remiss if I didn’t start off by saying how much I enjoyed 2023. I usually enjoy odd numbered years most because, for whatever reason, they usually feel the longest to me, and 2023 Carrie’s that same tune. I was able to pack so many adventures, I learned a few different important life lessons, I was able to connect with people I haven’t seen in a decade, and so much more. If I had to establish a theme for 2023 in hindsight, it would be ‘exploring what it means to be fulfilled’.
As I mentioned, this year provided many highlights and memories. For one, it is the first time I’ve started the year at a job that I actually enjoyed and without the worry of when I will have to begin hunting for the next gig. Anyone that works as a freelancer or contractor can understand just how important it is to start the year off at peace, largely because the journey is inherently bumpy. So it wasn’t lost on me that being at a job that cherishes my work and allows me to express my creativity, while standing on stable financial ground, was a blessing in the boldest of ways. And as the year progressed, being trusted with the building of a department within the company was an additional career and life milestone.
Another highlight of the year was being embraced by my peers and being able to help elevate others whose work I respect. Whether it was through MmmM Magazine - allowing others the platform to express, or being on a creative panel of amazing artists that are in the midst of their own uprising, or watching my brother find his light and being in a position to help him shine it to the world, 2023 allowed me the space to step into my own lane of artistic curation to help inspire and propel people (and a craft) that I care about. Not to mention, standing behind in full support of my partner as she began to climb out of her cocoon and start her process of blossoming in front of the world. For it all, I am truly grateful.
Most of you that have followed me for some time know that travel is where my heart lies, it invigorates my soul and allows my optimism for the world to thrive. I think naturally, my soul is as much nomadic as it is hedonistic and in a way, I tend to prioritize pleasure through passionate exploration. An obvious example of that in my life is travel and I did a lot of it this year.
Starting the first month of the year, I found myself in the sky 7 times this year, in 9 different airports, sitting in couple train cars and buses. I don’t even need to say it because I’m sure you can feel the smile on my face as I write this. Travel was much needed after almost 3 years of down time. But along with it came opportunities to really connect with people and establish or re-establish relationships.
One of the places I landed a few times this year was Miami, and for different reasons each time. I realized that Miami has been special to me since High School, being the place I initially wanted to go for college, but it’s also become one of my favorite cities in the country. Lucky for me, my trips to and from provided me a new friendship and also a chance to reconnect with some people I actually went to college with. I didn’t mention it as a highlight earlier but as I think on it now, building community in Miami and seemingly a second home would easily qualify it as such.
playing photographer for my popular lover and her friends
the 4th with the Fam
a spontaneous boat day on Biscayne with the from college
Another fun fact about myself that some of you may already know, is that story is important to me. And one thing every story has is a period of falling action, a time or moment where our favorite characters experience low points, and unfortunately I had a very real one of my own. While on one of my trips this year, I had a very intense health scare that found me looking up into the fearful eyes of my love. I will spare you the majority of the details but it was a scary situation to experience for myself and even moreso for her because she watched it all transpire.
What I found in the aftermath is that I am fine but that moment was a big reality check for me. It forced me to pay closer attention to my own health, both mental and physical but it also sparked somethings that I didn’t expect. That scare and having to go through a marathon of tests in a variety of medical rooms reignited a fire within me that had prior gone dormant.
I was forced to look within during all of this and really be honest, was I respecting the creator by using my innate skillset to its fullest potential? Was I even living up to the person I portray to the world? Am I truly grateful if I’m not fully honoring my blessings? Have I been the best brother or son? Have I returned the love given to me by others to them in equal measure? This experience brought me face to face with myself and I had to decide whether or not I liked the answer to these questions and others like it.
All in all, this year provided me with a lot of depth. Again, I circle back to the theme of fulfillment and what that means in a real sense. These moments we experience in life, both good and bad, are opportunities to learn - about ourselves, about others and probably most importantly, about our place in the world around us. We are challenged to define humanity for ourselves and hopefully in turn, we leave room for karma to award us our consequence.
This reignited fire within me has given me a bit of clarity on who I am and what it is I’m looking to say with my work, how I want my life to play out from here.
As a freelancer, consistently being on the go is viewed as a virtue of sorts. We are expected to accept every offer and value them equally because at any point, the proverbial well could dry up. But if nothing else, the intensity of the moment forced me into an understanding of stillness and just how important it is. If we are constantly running and never get the chance to stop, how can we every analyze our progress? How can we move efficiently if we are only thriving in between periods of burnout?
As I stand in my position as a photographer full-time, I now have a greater understanding of how patience and planning are necessities for the way I work best. My highest self needs moments of stillness to reflect and get better with every step. I once believed that I thrives on impulse but in reality I was just fortunate enough to have the skill to wiggle out of situations largely unscathed. Instead, relying on patience and allowing my flame to build before unleashing that passion is probably a more efficient way of being for someone like me.
at a wellness retreat in Cancun
This post was originally going to be a highlight tape of my year and leave the rest for my personal journal but as I sat down to write this, I couldn’t shake the thought that without the full story, I was doing a disservice to whoever reads this. I’m a firm believer that life is about balance and without the lows to contextualize the highs, our highlights hold minimal value in their true scope.
As a mantra for 2024, my aim is to elevate every space that I occupy, a lifestyle revelation that I was only able to find in a moment of darkness.
Tuckernuck Holiday Party photos by @Carnegie & @JahnsChavez